I think too much. And probably don’t feel enough. And this has led me, over the years, to analyze the meaning of three similar words; content, satisfied, and happy. I remember the first moment I began to contemplate these words. I had attended my ten-year high school reunion at which they had distributed a booklet where we each had listed a little personal information about ourselves, now ten years after we had graduated.
Scanning through, I noticed a classmate described herself as “contented”. I had a visceral reaction to this statement. I, who had not yet sought therapy and couldn’t remember the last time I was happy, felt a kind of pity for this 28 year old woman mixed with an anger for something not yet named that was missing in my life. Contented, in my mind, was something you might feel after a good meal. Contented felt too passive.
“Satisfied” in the dictionary is synonymous with happy and content. But, for me, it feels as if it has a comparative element to it. “Satisfied” given the current situation. “Satisfied” as a result of something. “Satisfied” might come from surveying the work you’d done that day in the garden. Satisfied might mean that your needs at a particular moment have been met. Or for you, it could be the overall state of your well-being.
For me, the thing missing from content and satisfied is the sense of striving, which is part of my core. I’ve certainly had feelings of contentment and satisfaction. But those feelings seem transitory. And I associate them with being static, a state of rest.
Happiness, on the other hand, feels like a state of being. It feels muscular, solid. It is active. It seems like a quest.
David Whyte, the poet, writes often about darkness and light. About the waxing and waning moon. About struggle and triumph. His poem, The Well of Grief resonates with me because only by experiencing darkness can we discern light. If we didn’t have “bad” things that happened in life, would we be able to appreciate the “good”? For me, happiness is not only a choice, it is a process. It can be illusive and illuminating. It is instantaneous awareness and daily discernment.
I can lose happiness and I can create it. A thousand times a day.
The Well of Grief
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief
turning downward through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe
will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering
the small round coins
thrown by those who wished for something else.
— David Whyte
from Where Many Rivers Meet
©2007 Many Rivers Press
Try It:
- What is happiness for you? How would you define it? How do you know when it’s present? Or is it never missing?
- What other positive feelings do you experience, such as contentment or satisfaction, that help contribute to overall feelings of happiness?
- Is it important to define happiness for you? Why? Why not?
iampalegreen 
Love this!
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